Feeling 42
The New Year's Myth I'm no longer buying...
New Year’s Eve, 1988: My parents hosted a NYE party. As the adults watched the ball drop in Time Square on the wood-encased TV, I crawled under the console table and sobbed. The idea that it would never be 1988 again devastated my five-year-old self. I think it was the moment when I first understood the concept of time and how impermanence is one of the only certainties in life.
Being honest, I still find this time of year to be bittersweet. It’s a beginning AND an ending. As good as the idea of fresh starts and clean slates sound, the older I get the more painfully obvious it is that these concepts are marketing myths to sell gym memberships and bold eye shadow palettes. There’s no such thing as “New Year, New You.” When that clock strikes 12 a.m., you’ll still be you. I’ll still be me. Whether we make a resolution, or ten, or even manage to keep them, that fact won’t change.
I turned 42 a couple of weeks ago. Spiraling under the weight of a deadline for my next book, and overwhelmed by the relentless holiday elfing required of Moms this time of year, I wound up with a migraine. On my birthday. Classic.
Couched and nursing my pain by watching the newest Era’s Tour Concert Movie in my pajamas, I found myself crying and I couldn’t stop. It wasn’t because I felt sorry for myself. I was happy and I was sad. I was resting while still feeling overwhelmed. I was feeling all of the things, and had been carrying all of the things, and it felt essential to release them.
My family popped in and out of the room to poke fun at the puddle of a human I’d become and to catch parts of the show (they don’t have my level of dedication to Taylor or couch). When the song “22” came on, my daughter cleverly decided to change the words to “42” and point out that I was 22 . . . twenty years ago.
Dang. Time—and kids—really know how to kick you when you’re down. But, the truth was, I felt a lot more 42 than 22 at that moment, and I wasn’t thrilled about it. Thankfully, later that night, I realized I am feeling 42, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing because I know and understand myself a lot better now than I did at 22.
Feeling 42 is knowing and honoring my limits.
42 looks like advocating for what I need and listening to my intuition instead of curling up into a ball and crying on the inside while performing to please others on the outside.
Embracing being older and wiser, I emailed my publisher and asked for a later release date for my next book (now coming April 13, 2027 instead of Jan ‘27). I realized I’d rather write a story about growth and healing from a place of power than from panic and pressure.
Because for me, writing has always been a way to connect with myself and others. And time has taught me that connection can’t be rushed or forced.
Deep down, I’m the same me I was at 5, tempted to curl up into a ball, hyper aware that we’re hurdling into another year of uncertainty—and feeling out of control and overwhelmed by the speed of it all. But tonight I’ll watch that ball drop while standing upright and smiling because I’m armed with knowledge that 5 year-old couldn’t yet grasp: time is an illusion. The present moment is all we ever have—and I don’t want to miss it.
I may no longer buy the New Year, New You myth—and I don’t want to. Because, in retrospect, though it’s never been neat or linear, I’ve grown. I’ve learned. And I want to embrace who I am right now and enjoy the fact that there’s still room to improve because I’m pretty sure that’s kind of the whole point of us being here.
So here’s to endings, and beginnings, and remembering that they’re really the same thing.
Cheers to you and a happy, healthy 2026,
Kristina
So Grateful for Another Five-Star Review from Book Reviewer @seunreads_
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Fall Highlights!
It was so fun getting to talk to readers about the themes in Annie in Retrospect at book clubs this fall! If you’re in a book club (or are looking for a reason to get some friends together) I’d love to join you via Zoom for a Q&A. There’s nothing I love more than connecting with readers, so please reach out!
Coming up . . .
This week I’m joining author Mike Oppenheim on his Podcast Coffin Talk. Keep an eye out for the episode drop this month!
In case you missed it . . .
I joined mindset coach Katja Hydock on her podcast “If I’d Just Learned This” to talk about lessons I wished I could share with my younger self and hopped on Substack Live with author and coach Megan Walrod to discuss the life of a debut novelist.
Let’s connect!
If you have a question or comment about Annie in Retrospect, or my writing or publishing process, I’d love to hear from you! Please feel free to hit reply if you’re reading this via email.
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Great writing. Congrats on your recent BD. You wear it well.
Enjoyed the book updates -- that's lots of good marketing.
This is great! Thanks for putting yourself out there!